In between visiting museums and galleries in Tokyo, I teach English at a university.  They are great students and say some very funny things.  Here’s a few of them:-

Which country would you like to visit and why?

I would like to visit France because I would like to eat the French.

I would like to visit Germany because I’d like to eat a wiener and cheese with a beer.

I would like to visit Britain.  There are three reasons.  First, to watch soccer games.  Second, to talk with foreigners.  Third, I want to use drugs.

What kind of athlete would you like to be in the Olympics and why?

I like Kosuke Kitajima who is a swimmer.  He is the best breast stroker all over the world.  He gave us a lot of impression in the Olympics.  So I like Kosuke Kitajima, and I’m sure he will get the gold medal in this Olympics.

Tell us about your experience on an airplane.

I’ve traveled by airplane to San Diego … It was a good fright.

Tell us about your worst experience.

I caught the flu the day before the graduation ceremony.  I was unhappiness!

ALLTALK re ‘used to’

Teacher: He didn’t use to go out with Carol.

(student frantically looking up ‘Carol’ in electronic dictionary)

Teacher: Oh?  Who did he use to go out with?

Student: Jingle Bells. (surely that’s a porn name?! I’m thinking)

Teacher: I’m sorry, who didn’t he use to go out with?

Student: (looking again in electronic dictionary, frazzled)

Student: Christmas.

Teacher: Oh?!

Student: Christmas Carol, a song.

What would you like to know about the future?

I want to know about my love life.  I would like to marry by 30.  I hope my wife is a great cooker.

Money is the most important thing in life.  Agree or disagree.

I disagree because it is useful but not almighty.  You can’t make a friend through money.

What’s the best way to see the world?

I look at a world map.

I would go to the moon.

Student: What do you call an inventing machine?

Teacher: I don’t know but it’s a great concept.  Do you mean vending machine?

Teacher: What is one of the best things a tourist should do in Japan?

Student: Crime Mount Fuji (perhaps a good Bond film location)

Student: I crimed a mountain in the summer holidays

Student: pleasantation skills (presentation skills)

Student: After that, he can see the ghost and get someone a hand of sick

Natsuko – female student in Shimurasakaue

I couldn’t go to the restaurant with my friend because she had atomic egg.

(Me: Can you guess what that is????)

…  a stomach ache!!! how cute is that!!!